this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
