you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
