btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
