Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
