Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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