dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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