Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
please come you make the beer taste better
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
