What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
