Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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