Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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