I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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