didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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