haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
