We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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