I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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