you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
