dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
