I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
