I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
