Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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