ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
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you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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