I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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