would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
