Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
