Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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