im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
