Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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