I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
