either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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