The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize