your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
