She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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