standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
