ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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