Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
