the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
