Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
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Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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