I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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