his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize