I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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