I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
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The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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