I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
