Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
