How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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