dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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