Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
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giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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