Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
