You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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