i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
