Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It was confusing and full of hummus
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
