yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
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The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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