I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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