Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I need a beard to bite.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
