so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
