You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
