dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
