do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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