Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage