So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
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He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
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He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land