I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she smelled like a LAN party
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.