A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.